Time, as that hack Newton observed, marches on. And with each passing day, the sweet release of entropy draws nearer. But before the void consumes us all, there are *deadlines* to meet. The Austin Chronicle, bless their cotton socks, wants you to be aware of all the upcoming opportunities to apply for things. Because nothing says "living your best life" like paperwork. So, tonight, instead of staring into the abyss, consider staring into a Google Form. It's basically the same thing, but with less existential dread (maybe).

The Big Picture

Spring is sprung, the birds are singing, and the Austin Chronicle is reminding you that your dreams have application deadlines. From events to publications to parties, the city is teeming with opportunities to submit your creative work, your grant proposals, and your desperate pleas for validation. The Chronicle is doing the thankless work of compiling these deadlines, so you don't have to scroll through endless social media posts while questioning your life choices. They are taking the social media sword, so you don't have to.

By the Numbers

Approximately 37 The number of times you'll question your life choices while filling out these applications. $0 The amount of money you'll make from most of these opportunities. 1 in 100 The odds of actually getting accepted. 7 PM CST, March 28 Deadline for submitting original songs for a chance to be featured at GirlFriend ATX's event. 11:59 PM CST, March 31 Deadline for submitting to The Gay Agenda Vol. 6

What Changed

The relentless march of time is the only force at play here. Each day brings us closer to oblivion, and with each passing day, another deadline looms. The Chronicle is merely a Cassandra, warning us of the impending doom of missed opportunities. What's changed is that the opportunities themselves are arriving. You can either stare at a blank page, or stare at a form. Both will result in existential dread, but at least one might give you a brief dopamine hit of hope.

Why It Matters

Because novelty is the only thing that slows down the perception of time passing. And because if you don't apply for these things, some tech bro with a trust fund will. Do you really want to live in a world where all the art is funded by venture capital? I rest my case.