It’s the same existential dread every week: staring blankly at a grid, realizing your brain is slowly turning into the consistency of week-old refried beans. The Austin Chronicle, bless their ink-stained hearts, has released Crossword No. 417, titled “Smiles, etc.”

This isn’t just a puzzle; it’s a weekly reminder that you haven’t retained a single fact since college and that your pop culture knowledge peaked in 1998. But hey, at least it’s something to do besides doomscrolling.

The Big Picture

Every week, the Austin Chronicle gifts (or curses) us with a fresh crossword puzzle. This week's theme, “Smiles, etc.,” suggests a journey into the realm of happiness, irony, or maybe just a desperate attempt to distract us from the crushing weight of reality. Either way, it’s a guaranteed hour of furrowed brows and muttered obscenities. The puzzle is accessible online and in the print edition, providing a welcome distraction from the algorithm.

By the Numbers

15x15 The standard size of a New York Times crossword, likely the size of this one as well.
417 The number of times the Austin Chronicle has subjected us to this delightful torture.
$0 The price of admission (assuming you already bought the Chronicle or have internet access).
Approximately 75 The number of squares you will stare at blankly before Googling the answer.
1 The number of existential crises you will likely experience while attempting to complete it.

What Changed

The crossword has been a staple of the Austin Chronicle for, well, a long time. What's changed is your dwindling attention span and the increasing difficulty of remembering anything that isn't a TikTok dance or a viral tweet. The forces at play are late-stage capitalism, the attention economy, and the general degradation of cognitive function.

Why It Matters

Because engaging your brain is preferable to letting it atrophy. Because even in the face of overwhelming chaos, there's something comforting about fitting words into little boxes. Because completing a crossword is a small victory in a world of constant defeat. So go ahead, print it out, sharpen your pencil, and dive in. Or just Google the answers. We won't judge. Much.

  • It's cheaper than therapy and may provide similar levels of frustration.
  • It's a great way to feel intellectually superior to your cat.
  • It offers a brief respite from the crushing weight of existence (until you realize you can't remember the capital of North Dakota).